I try

I try
and fail
to write in
my mothertongue
I try and fail
Because
its my mothers
tongue
I want to catch
my devious gemini
mother
who could never
just love me
Oh, why in the name
of God, Steven!
Do you keep on
with this zodiac
craze of yours
well my dear!
because
I keep on meeting
FUCKING gemini women
all the time, that WHY!
Now, can you please
let me talk,
without womensplaining
me?
without asking me
to take HER view
and have I ever
thought about how
hard and
insert sad sob
story
oh you meet these
cold women
because
bla bla
No! No matter how
hard I try
how much I dream
Up a good version
of them
No matter
No matter
all they could
ever give me
was eyes furiously
rolling
No, I chose
to beleive
in life
I burn with
rage
and I am eager
to make it
count
The questions
I had
to her
to my long
lost mother
could not be
answered
by another women
Forget the question
let it rest
between the thighs
of someone actually
tender
I just spent an hour
crying on
A grassy knoll
about the memory
of living in a
closet
and it aint no
GODDAMED metaphore
I lived in my autistic
fathers windowless
closet for two years
And the memory
of me as a completly
lost autistic boy
lying the the dark
crying, alone
just ...let it
sink in
I lived like that
for years
and THEN
I met a woman
5'5 high
who beat the living
shit out of me
but at least she
let me out of
the closet
and ages went by
genes where mixed
new life birthed
I hid and hid
and she hated long
and well
until she finally tired
and my thawing
could start
So spare me your
pity
someone sure did
put a load on me
but I can
Tell you one
thing
even my two
dear gemini parents
couldn’t put me down
I might be autistic
but I can feel the
same love as you
perhaps I feel
it to much
So I hide
you can hurt someone
without even knowing
as Dylan sang
people forget
that artists
are real living
people
we walk among you
but you only want our
manifestations
our songs
our lyrics
our movies
but you have no idea
the cost of it all
I am here to
tell you
that I have bled every
single
of my poems
I have left
nothing to spare
You might not
like it
but the cost
of creating art
is to break the
house of cards
you believe in
that you think is
the world
it ain't honey!
so the only
thing I
ask of you
is some genuin
respect for
what it took
me to
craft these
words
Dont ever think
you can understand
me
but I was never that
interesting in
The first place
I am just a
riddle
tiny small mirrors
you can get
lost in
now heres the thing
and this is why AI
can never ever beat
a human at creating art
never can beat me!
its because you
need to sense ...me
without the ...hurt...without the
flame...
its as real
as a burning fireside
sold to you by
Netflix
I am not interesting
but my art is
but you need to
trust that
what I am bearing
witness too
is born out of the
same motherswomb
as you
that beneath it
all
all my cynisism
there is common
humanity
my story is
not original
rather banal
at best
but that’s
beside the point
I can now cloak
myself
in new autistic
victimhood
but to no avail
the pain
and brokenhearted mess
is the same
As an artist
my only
pledge
is to try and bring
a little more
light into the world
there is plenty of
darkness
life is rare
light is rare
art is the ability
to act as a prism
for that light
I pity my parents
for not being
able to see
the me on a
basic human level
They deserve pity
but then again
if they were
broken souls
gemini souls
then so am I
and so I deserve my
own dose of pity
being that boy
in the closet
does not
make me
a better person
no, quite the opposite
I had to understand
that no matter
how much I loved
on a lady
she could
never let out
of the closet
because I put
myself there
its both a real
room and prison
I can run to
when life is
to overwelming
I have run now
I have date with
someone sweet and warm
and if she’s a key
I haven’t found the
lock yet
But im happy to
look