I try

I try and fail to write in my mothertongue I try and fail Because its my mothers tongue I want to catch my devious gemini mother who could never just love me Oh, why in the name of God, Steven! Do you keep on with this zodiac craze of yours well my dear! because I keep on meeting FUCKING gemini women all the time, that WHY! Now, can you please let me talk, without womensplaining me? without asking me to take HER view and have I ever thought about how hard and insert sad sob story oh you meet these cold women because bla bla No! No matter how hard I try how much I dream Up a good version of them No matter No matter all they could ever give me was eyes furiously rolling No, I chose to beleive in life I burn with rage and I am eager to make it count The questions I had to her to my long lost mother could not be answered by another women Forget the question let it rest between the thighs of someone actually tender I just spent an hour crying on A grassy knoll about the memory of living in a closet and it aint no GODDAMED metaphore I lived in my autistic fathers windowless closet for two years And the memory of me as a completly lost autistic boy lying the the dark crying, alone just ...let it sink in I lived like that for years and THEN I met a woman 5'5 high who beat the living shit out of me but at least she let me out of the closet and ages went by genes where mixed new life birthed I hid and hid and she hated long and well until she finally tired and my thawing could start So spare me your pity someone sure did put a load on me but I can Tell you one thing even my two dear gemini parents couldn’t put me down I might be autistic but I can feel the same love as you perhaps I feel it to much So I hide you can hurt someone without even knowing as Dylan sang people forget that artists are real living people we walk among you but you only want our manifestations our songs our lyrics our movies but you have no idea the cost of it all I am here to tell you that I have bled every single of my poems I have left nothing to spare You might not like it but the cost of creating art is to break the house of cards you believe in that you think is the world it ain't honey! so the only thing I ask of you is some genuin respect for what it took me to craft these words Dont ever think you can understand me but I was never that interesting in The first place I am just a riddle tiny small mirrors you can get lost in now heres the thing and this is why AI can never ever beat a human at creating art never can beat me! its because you need to sense ...me without the ...hurt...without the flame... its as real as a burning fireside sold to you by Netflix I am not interesting but my art is but you need to trust that what I am bearing witness too is born out of the same motherswomb as you that beneath it all all my cynisism there is common humanity my story is not original rather banal at best but that’s beside the point I can now cloak myself in new autistic victimhood but to no avail the pain and brokenhearted mess is the same As an artist my only pledge is to try and bring a little more light into the world there is plenty of darkness life is rare light is rare art is the ability to act as a prism for that light I pity my parents for not being able to see the me on a basic human level They deserve pity but then again if they were broken souls gemini souls then so am I and so I deserve my own dose of pity being that boy in the closet does not make me a better person no, quite the opposite I had to understand that no matter how much I loved on a lady she could never let out of the closet because I put myself there its both a real room and prison I can run to when life is to overwelming I have run now I have date with someone sweet and warm and if she’s a key I haven’t found the lock yet But im happy to look