I lack words

I lack words
but they don't lack me
I pull the strings
so tightly knit
But no pattern appears
What are we even
searching for
the map seems
to evolve into
patches
no seam can
sow into place
My words
are not my own
try to sit
on them
I cant wait for
this to end
I thought I
saw you runing
Around the corner
burning bills
not of your making
I wish I was
a toast on your
lips
A snack again
But I got burned
do yOU HAVE A MATCH
My love is only fire
could you please
say please
I cant
my wheels fell off
and yet you keep
on pushing me
you cut
my name on your face
can we call me
something elastic
Im all into
sustainability
if that means
constant reruns
and judging
myself from afar
you forget
that I eat
pussy like a bulldog
eating oatmeal
I try to forget
your shoe size
its not easy
but Im getting there
Last week I forgot
the colour of your
pubic hairs
Cant you at least let
me have that
Today is my birthday
and its not even Monday
I wish I could
forget you
more quickly
Like a tree uprooted
My crown upside down
A stone in my
mouth
you placed it there
Fingers ache to
make you undone
Words slip
Sounds of no
concern
surround me
A path to manliness
requires my action
Slaughter the sheep
cut the wood
plow the dirt
and I can be
a man
finally someone
to be trusted
Im 51 and words
are still just
sounds
vibrations
So I utter more
and more
A wheel is turning
and somewhere
a cap flyes
of a bald skull
I know Ill
never
see you again
but seeing was
never our thing
was it?
I was never
more than
a glitch
In a system youve
left behind
4 versions ago
Somehow the
harddisk
we shared is still
here between my fingers
yet completly inaccessible
I’ve even forgotten
the handshakes
There is a sharpness
drifting
I come undone
But thats no
news to you
In fact the picture
of me
lies burried
beneath the swollen
tenderness
A cabel strethes
but cant quite
connect
So we live in
silence
your footrprints
cover my dreams
I call you
but you dont
even care to hang up
Not yet you
wisper
what would my boyfriend
think?
who care's?
you never seemed
to
care
a smear of
you're glow
got smeared
beneath a point
of no return
A damn broke
And I damn
your name
28/10